well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
