All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
