5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dicks are not precious.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
