Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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