Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
