my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
