Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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