I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
