one two three fourrrrnication!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
