Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
