It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
