According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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