I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
