Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
