Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
