ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
