so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
