Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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