the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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