I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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