I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
