either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
