I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
