He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize