I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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