I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
FUCK WHALES
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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