My hair reeks of homosexuality.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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