We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
