just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
