You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
