over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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