Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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