...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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