Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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