i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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