oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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