He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
