Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
