That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
