Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
