i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
