Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
