this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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