He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
