this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
