I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
