Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
