Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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