It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
