Who did Billy Mays play for?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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