haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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