i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
