i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
