I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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