1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize