My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
