did you get engaged???
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize