Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize