fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
pray to the hookup gods
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
