He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
