I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
