He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize