did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
