My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize